It has been reported that Asian women are three times more likely to self-harm themselves than the white women.

I listened to the phone-in on BBC Asian Network earlier this week where women spoke of their helplessness. Older male relatives sexually molested some, and when they tried to complain they were made to feel that it was their fault.

Then there were those who were in an abusive marriage and were not able to get any support from their family.

Most Asian families are an integral part of the British society; they are successful, hard working and family oriented. At a time when lack of family values is being blamed for many ills in our society, we are proud of our traditions of respecting elders and nurturing our young. But what about how we treat the women?

I get many emails from the readers of this website, most of them are young Asian women. Most are highly educated, successful and articulate. They all talk of a living in culture where they are made to be segregated from the country they live in.

They are not allowed to make friends and integrate just in case they learn the "bad western ways". But what about our own practices?

One young woman, who writes to me regularly, said once: "Yes, they do want to be segregated and superior. We are better than you because our religion is better, our god is better and our women cover themselves up."

"Most Muslim Bengalis I have meet through family do's don't believe they have anything in common with Westerners. They see them as everything that is alien to their culture and their lives. They want to be segregated. They don't want to integrate."

Listening to the phone-in that morning I was struck how segregated Asians are from western progressive society.

You hear women talking about beig turned out of their matrimonial home for giving birth to a baby girl; for being blamed if they have been sexually assaulted; of Asian doctors telling women who have self-harmed themselves to go home and be a good girl - not asking them what the cause of their distress could be.

Which other culture treats its women as third class citizens? These are the British born young women who have equal rights in the country they were born in, but not given the same by the culture they belong to.

My friend went on to say: "However, for most of my life I was essentially segregated from my white peers. I wasn't allowed to see my friends from school much because they were white, ate haram food and (as we got older) all they did was go to the pub."

"My mother would be disgusted at the idea of being in a pub. Both my parents would feel sick if they knew anyone around them was eating pigs. Same goes for any other Muslim (especially Asian) cultural taboos such as the idea of sex before marriage and going out dancing. WE simply do not do things like that. Those are the things that define the West. Therefore we have nothing in common."

So the parents are caring enough to shield their children from everything, except the injustices that go on in their own community. Women are the easy targets for a culture which claims to be caring and cohesive.

Let us stop moaning about the injustices and wars elsewhere and start by mending our own ways. The first priority should be women.

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sabina.ahmed@asiansinmedia.org

Sabina Ahmed previously served on a BBC advisory council for local radio and the community health council.
She is a regular AIM commentator.